Tuesday | August 05, 2008

Today

I was up before daybreak this morning.

Grandma called again.

She said the key to the door wouldn't work and that someone has changed the lock while she was sleeping last nite. Mum told her that uncle has changed the lock last weekend since she lost the keys. She couldn't remember and insisted that someone did change the lock last nite.

Mum was exasperated.

I could recall some times it gets to her so badly that she would wail and cry hysterically. I dunno how to describe it. Just a chilling sight you won't want to see.

And to make it worst, you'll find yourself helpless. Dunno what to do. Only thing is to stare at a screaming and wailing lady, standing by her bed and hitting the mattress with her arms. Cursing everyone to death in her wails.

But the problem never goes away.

Amidst her cries, she would then get changed and stormed off with her own set of spare keys to grandma's. All that was left, were speculations and imaginations. Who knows, the next moment she may decide not exist anymore? Scary.

It didn't happen this morning. But she was on the verge.

I offered to send her to grandma's, but she refused. Asked me to go on to the office and left the house. I hoped it was nothing serious.

My head started throbbing.

It is now a new disciplinary recourse that all sales personnel must all clock in once they reach the office.

Maryann looked tired these days. She was quick to guess my loss of vocals was attributed by durians. So clever.

The air doesn't seem right in the office today. Probably it's just me anyway.

Susan wore glasses instead of contacts. Everyone commented she looks like a school teacher. Tris was in a good mood. Chin was not.

I had wanted to postpone an appointment. Chin said go ahead. Only to realize that the person to see was on medical leave. That was a quick one for the Danzsales.  

Doreen cleared Bern's desk this afternoon. Though with much reluctance and mumbling grumbles. Sorta miss this fren of mine. She must be having fun with Christine in Paris now.

Susan asked about the daily report upon my return. Poor thing. Eager to learn. I had no time to teach her how to go about it again today. Tomorrow then. The reports? By yours truly today.

While a battle of livelihood raged on in the office background, another virtual one was ongoing. So tired. The boss called for dinner. Bad timing to socialize or rather, good timing for time alone. 

And I had forgotten to clock out.
Posted by Fer De Chioz at 23:08:23 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Monday | August 04, 2008

Selfish . Aged . Replacement . Realization .

Grandma lost her keys to the house today.

Senile as she already is, she would not remember when she last seen them. Mum and uncle each had a set of the keys to her house. It is as if they knew such things would happen. But then again, with her being what she is now, it's not that difficult to predict I guess. Of cuz, mum was very angry. And the angriest part of it was when grandma kept saying things that weren't making sense. Well, you may say that we should not use a normal mindset to deal with someone who is already senile. Everything to them make sense. But when you're in that situation, rage and outburst are really things which are difficult to subdue.

Uncle was at work when grandma called. So he asked his wife to bring the extra keys to her. She in turn, asked her son to do so. Grandma lost that bunch of keys as well. We tried calling auntie to find out clues on that bunch of keys. But all I had were grumbles and reluctance. Why can people just speak nicely? I didn't call to receive all that. I was just trying to help make the situation better for everyone. Why can't they understand that they are not the only ones going through a hard time with the old folk here? Only one word to describe - Selfish.

During all these rush and anguish, I can't help but realized how aged mum has become. Her hair were turning redish from the roots, of which they would finally turn grey. Something on her face is different as well - Aged.

Suddenly, I felt sad. Felt like I haven't done enuf, haven't spend enuf time with her and so on... Not sure if this was the feeling you had when you mentioned that you came back becuz your parents were "too old to be on their own".

When all was settled, I had some time with myself and my dog. Soon it was time to leave for practice.

The original intent was to collect the shoes I ordered from a fren, practice a little then either do some work while the rest rehearse for performance or go home to rest.

In the end, ended up helping some others in some of their moves. When the rehearsal starts, YH and me were the only odd ones out. Sometimes I really feel that I'm redundant. I tried to help others, but sometimes instead of appreciation, I only received chides. Some just think that they are always right. Yes, they may be right in terms of the subject matter, but in terms of human EQ, I just don't think so.

It dawned on me that perhaps I've always been a replacement for someone else. I'm just someone who is temporarily taking the stand-in for the actual player, and when the actual player is ready for the game again, I'm no longer needed. In relationship or in other areas, it seems always the case. Yes, it is a sad realization. The saddest part is that the people who do this don't even realized that.

They won't realize it until they are in my shoes. Caring and loving a person is one thing, treating them the right way is another. These two are not the same.

Some things once lost, you can never get it back.

Posted by Fer De Chioz at 00:28:15 | Permanent Link | Comments (6) |

Tuesday | June 24, 2008

"Maiden" Performance

Preparations started as early as March this year. My Maiden Performance at Singapore Botanic Gardens - Shaw Foundation Symphony Stage on 15 Jun, 6-7pm! Sorry for not inviting you folks... Next performance ok!

Photobucket
Posted by Fer De Chioz at 03:16:05 | Permanent Link | Comments (5) |

Sunday | March 02, 2008

"Regrets, I have a few. But then again, too few to mention"

Ever have the experience of believing that you can achieve something and after trying hard for it, turned out that you were so wrong? I had one too many.


Short-Story
Many have told me that I've progressed. I felt the difference too. As the saying goes: "Your best may not be other's best", and governed by the teachings of humility, I continue to pursue the next level of improvement. I learn with much passion. Or, should I say, I "learnt", as the series of events that took place recently badly dampened the spirit... Everything is not the same thereafter.


At this point, some may remarked that it doesn't matter what other's best is/are. Yes, it does not. It is but a statement in motivating one to exceed his/her current state of performance.


Thoughts
I vividly remember the damaging statement from the last show-down, which i can find no room for forgiveness till this day. Recently, remarks of the same nature was directed to me again, by the same person. Healing is not within scope. The heart aches at the whimes of penning it as the mind recollects the events uncontrollably.


As I reminisce through this short tenure of the learning, encouragement was not something I can recall. Why? I don't know. Was it because I've come to take on this learning by voluntary means, while others are "invited"? Was it because of the "privileged" title bestowed that I'm supposed to be treated otherwise? Was I such a lousy student? Is this learning the only link between me and the initiator? Would it be better in more ordinary circumstances? Perhaps... Perhaps... Perhaps...


Reality
Strangely, I saw the happenings of this other side of my life reflected in a movie recently. The thoughts are the same, the characters, similar.


The initiator never knew or cared about what this has done. Perhaps it is not of much interests to him in any case. It was not as if these were not voiced before. Since being outspoken has resulted in much unhappiness previously, I've come to keep things to myself. Just quietly playing my role in this silent movie.


It takes less than a fool to know that this path leads to the "thinning" of the bond between people. As it is, the wall of defense within me elevates itself each day. Each interaction became increasingly uneasier and pressurizing.


Now and Next
I have no one to turn to share these thoughts. I've mentioned to a good fren once, but that seemed to be but a temporary relief. Hence, I'm penning it. Hopeful to find the right words that could accurately translate this molten frustration.


I don't know what will come next too. Another damaging war perhaps...? I have no idea. Come what may then.

Posted by Fer De Chioz at 00:46:02 | Permanent Link | Comments (4) |

Saturday | February 09, 2008

To a Fan...

I met up with an old friend last evening. Got to know that he's a "Fan" of my blog. :) Sorry if I haven't be diligently updating my blog. It's just that work is crazy as hell. Had a change of jobscope recently and so everything's like a whirlpool.

Anyway, nowadays I'm into so many things, which I didn't think our conversation was long enough for me to fill you in! *LOL* I took up some basic Salsa dancing last year, but it wasn't really my cuppa tea. Well, I guess the company played a big part too. The Salsa group I was with was mostly from the office - the "older" folks. *LOL*

After that, I took up Tango. So far, so good though. Now I'm more active in Tango than Salsa. It's a totally new "realm" and experience altogether.

So... Being this young vibrant group of Tango dancers, we're inspired to set up an Arts organization of some sort. Hopefully, we can have something happened in 2008! We did a performance for Kenzo at Takashimaya Sq in Oct last year. For this year, we're planning a few programmes. One of it could be a performance at Botanical Gardens this June. Do bring your GF and buddies there to support us!

 

Oh by the way, we do freelance performances, private lessons or even group classes too, for a price of course.... :p
Posted by Fer De Chioz at 01:25:08 | Permanent Link | Comments (5) |

Friday | November 16, 2007

What if...

W-H-A-T.I-F
~ Kate Winslet ~

Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change

Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change

Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine

'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know
Posted by Fer De Chioz at 03:48:55 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Monday | September 17, 2007

High Level Description of Personality Types

Here's my analysis after a series of questions....

Personality Type: E N T J (Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging)

Assertive and outspoken - they are driven to lead. Excellent ability to understand difficult organizational problems and create solid solutions. Intelligent and well-informed, they usually excel at public speaking. They value knowledge and competence, and usually have little patience with inefficiency and disorganization.

Posted by Fer De Chioz at 10:34:13 | Permanent Link | Comments (4) |

Saturday | August 04, 2007

Salute to the Filippino inmates!!! Impressive! Excellent!

Really impressed by the Filo inmates! Have you seen this video? It's a big hit in YouTube! Too bad can't embed it in my blog entry. It's in the front page of Yahoo today too! Watching it made me wanna dance too!!!

Really, really excellent work!

Die Die Must See!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMnk7lh9M3o

I left my print there too!

Posted by Fer De Chioz at 12:37:17 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Thursday | August 02, 2007

Steamboat... BBQ... Ice-cream!!!!!

Wow... Valerie and Hwee Lee intro this japanese restaurant in Marina Square to me which has got steamboat - BBQ - Ice-cream buffet!! Really cool!! Think it's called Suki Yaki or somethin'... Anyway, it's next to Kbox on the hmm... 2nd? Or was it 3rd floor??? Food hunters!!! On yr mark... Get set... GORG.....!!!!

 Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Erhm... Is it ice-cream? Edible??? 

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 

The GORG-eous! Valerie and Me!

Posted by Fer De Chioz at 23:59:59 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Wednesday | August 01, 2007

Hmmm...?

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This household puts up the National flag for the nation's birthday in early July... Patriotic... But... Tsk... Hmm... which side should the crescent moon and stars be on??? This has kept me thinking for like half a month or so already... Hmm...  

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Whoever wrote this most apparently has some language issues... "Pl"??? "ash tray into the toilet bowl"??? Looks like one those bad english signages that were circulated in the WWW huh?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 

Oh well... Even sweets I've also gotten double the share of others. What more could I ask for???

Posted by Fer De Chioz at 13:39:07 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |