Dad
Do you see me when I looked up at you under the open sky? Do you hear me when I spoke to you from within? Do you feel me when I needed someone to? From little instances I can’t help but think that you’ve watched out for me, on incidents that got resolved by themselves without rhyme or reason.
I flipped open the album which I’ve put aside for eons. The sight of your wedding photo brought waters to blur my vision. I thought I’ve overcome the loss. I thought I could reminisce without sadness, but with fondness on those happy moments that we shared when I was little, just like how I’ve shared with my closed ones. Still, those moments flooded in, spewing the waters from my eyes.
I saw us running from room to room, giggling and laughing at unbearable tickles. I remembered how my first medicated rub on your back turned out to be a stream of medicated oil that traveled from spine to “down-south”, leaving you with an awkward endurance fit and me totally clueless. I remembered straining my ears for the sound of your bike upon your return. I remembered the way you appeased me with cups of ice creams when I was angered. I remembered your regrets when I mouthed my first “I Hate You”, your worried gestures during my most feverish plight. I remembered how you shielded me from the canings of your aggrieved other half. I remembered how you teased me with the crab race in our elongated kitchen. I remembered peeling foul-smelling skins off your sunburnt back. Also, all the squirming at your stubbles and mustache, and awe at your chunky muscles. I remembered how you tricked me into my first sip of ABC Guiness stout at the grouper feasts. I remembered the times when you showered me, and when you told me that it’s time for me to do that on my own thereafter. I remembered standing in between you both, amidst your cross-fires, with you tearing down the decors for the New Year and witnessing the police bringing you away after that. You told me to go to sleep, and you’ll be back the next day. Amidst all, I remembered our last supper and our last goodbye.
You told me to go to university one day. I replied a thoughtless ok, neither knowing what it was nor what it meant then. But still,I went to university like you told me to. I did it for you.
I miss you, papa.
