Dear Client:
We are capable of calculating quotations for three major projects, bookings for 5 different shipments and answering 12 totally unnecessary calls per hour, all simultaneously.
We do not require sleep and are at your service 25 hours a day, 8 days a week. Our home numbers are your numbers.
We are responsible for production delays, traffic jams, and mechanical problems with trucks, aircraft and ships, and depressed economic conditions overall.
We have powers which allow us to add unlimited weight and volume to an already overloaded truck. We create miracles by loading limited weight & volume into the airline/seafreight containers.
Furthermore, we can always motivate drivers to be your free-of-charge temporary employees to help with loading and unloading.
Yesterday delivery requirements with cargo loading today are regularly completed the day before yesterday, ten times a day, every day. We know that when you order a truck for loading on Monday that you really needed it on Saturday, but that you only want the overnight load delivered the following Wednesday.
You want us to be at the office on weekends & public holidays to unload your goods at 2am to ensure your truck returns back in time for your normal deliveries.
We are always friendly with a smile, have mastered telepathy, show empathy, and gladly act as our customer”s psychiatrists.
We embrace the challenge when you cancel the space with the airline & one hour later expect the airline to hold the space for you just in case you require the capacity back again.
We embrace the opportunity that you allow us to develop our negotiation skills with airline staff in securing capacity on already overbooked flights, & allowing us to freely negotiate a cheap spot rate for the freight as well.
We speak all languages and know the location of even the smallest town anywhere in the world. We are able to obtain a competitive freight rate, inclusive of clearance & door to door delivery in upper Mongolia or in Brazzaville, Congo.
At your request we can comply with any and all additional requirements your company may have. We repair vehicles and computers.
For undisturbed road traffic we have cloaked our vehicles, and if that does not resolve a traffic jam, we are capable to free the roads upon request to meet the flight cutoff.
Naturally, payment of our invoice is optional and if your company has financial difficulties we will gladly advance unlimited funds for as long as you require them.
Our lives have been enriched by the endless opportunities that you have allowed us to experience.
Yours Sincerely
Your Eternally Grateful LSP